Talk:Elliot Rodger/GA2

GA review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Carnival of Lights (talk · contribs) 18:48, 16 August 2026 (UTC)

Reviewer: 750h+ (talk · contribs) 08:16, 27 September 2026 (UTC)

Hi I'll review this. Ping me if I don't do this within the next five-ish days. 750h+ 08:16, 27 September 2026 (UTC)

Prose

lead

• Rodger's attacks have often been praised by incels around the world. ==> "Incels around the world have often praised Rodger's attacks." (active voice)

early life

• Just wondering, would it be better to combine the sections between Early life and High school? Maybe into one section titled "Early life".
• Peter, a British national,[5] is a filmmaker who has directed television commercials. I think it's best to change "is" to was" and "has" to "had", I feel that the information could possibly become outdated
• His mother is Malaysian Chinese and has also worked in the film industry remove "has"
• where he enjoyed an affluent and privileged childhood do we need both "affluent" and "privileged"?
• Li Chin left her work in health care to take care of Rodger and soon bore a daughter, Rodger's sister. you don't need both "daughter" and "Rodger's sister".
• who later moved with his family ==> "who later moved in with his family"
• Rodger's parents divorced when "divorced" doesn't need to be linked (MOS:OVERLINK)
• Rodger's father married Moroccan ==> "his father married Moroccan"
• Rodger expressed shock at how quickly his father remarried ==> "Rodger was shocked at how quickly his father remarried"
• A trip to Disneyland around age five brought him to tears due to the crowds. this seems pretty trivial, especially given you mention him being "overwhelmed by social gatherings" in the previous sentence
• Rodger had a difficult relationship with his stepmother Akaaboune we don't need both "stepmother" and "Akaaboune"

middle years

• Many of Rodger's social connections in school were initiated by his parents, other students, or facilitated by the parents of his peers ==> "Many of Rodger's social connections at school were initiated by his parents or other students, or facilitated by the parents of his peers"
• Rodger claimed one of his bullies was a blonde girl, which he stated contributed to the development of his misogynistic attitudes.[27] Rodger's grades declined, his social activity decreased,[18][28] and he immersed himself in video games such as World of Warcraft at his parents' houses and cybercafés.[25][29] Rodger's stepmother became concerned with his unwillingness to socialize and made him stop playing his video games, causing tensions between the two to escalate.[23] "Rodger" begins three consecutive sentences. I think you may want to use pronouns to do so.
• During this time, his stepmother became pregnant and gave birth to a son, Rodger's younger half-brother.[31] as above, you don't need both "a son" and "Rodger's younger half-brother"
• During his time at both schools, he reported experiencing severe bullying by other students ==> "During his time at both schools, he experienced severe bullying by other students"

later life

• He held his parents responsible for his lack of wealth, blaming his mother for not marrying a wealthier man for his benefit and his father for using his money to produce Oh My God ==> "He held his parents responsible for his lack of wealth: he blamed his mother for not marrying a wealthier man and his father for using his money to produce Oh My God"
• Rodger's father referred him to his friend Karl Champley for construction work, and Rodger worked in construction for a time. ==> "His father referred him to his friend Karl Champley for construction work, where Rodger worked for some time."
• Rodger agreed to the plan after watching the ==> "He agreed to the plan after watching the"

The more I read into this article, the more it seems a bit too detailed. What I've been correcting above has largely been grammar and all that, but what I've seen about the article is that every little thing is mentioned (e.g. "he was angered when one of his roommate's Black friends said he had lost his virginity at the age of 13.", "Rodger noticed a Hispanic man seated with a blonde woman and became jealous after seeing them kiss."). I also realise that a detail a reviewer from the previous article highlighted relating to criterion 3b (it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail) has not been addressed (here). I think the suggestions above I've given should be taken into account, but I may have to fail this for now. 750h+ 16:49, 2 October 2026 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.