Talk:Romantic secrecy

Merge proposal: Secret dating into Dating (August 2025)

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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I suggest merging Secret dating into the broader Dating article. The topic overlaps closely with existing sections that describe different dating practices, and the current article is relatively short. A dedicated subsection on “Secret dating” could be added under the Wide variation in behavior patterns section of the Dating article, alongside other variations such as committed/casual dating or LGBTQ+ contexts. The current Examples section is largely based on fictional or popular culture references; these could be trimmed or removed if necessary. I welcome other editors’ input on whether merging improves coherence and sourcing.

Merge proposal: Secret dating into Dating

Rationale: The article Secretive dating is short, poorly sourced, and overlaps substantially with the broader Dating article—such as infidelity, secrecy, and relationship ethics. There is little evidence that "secret dating" is a widely used or notable standalone term. Instead, it would be more valuable to merge this content into a subsection of Dating, possibly titled “Dating in secret". There, the material can be rewritten with stronger sources and framed in a more comprehensive context, including clarifying distinctions between infidelity and secret dating, and between secret dating and openly acknowledged relationships. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Anna Kelberg (talk • contribs) 19:52, 26 July 2025 (UTC)

A merge to infidelity would seem like a better idea, given that it seems to be a synonym. Alternatively, merges as a subsection in case it is thought to be a subset. Klbrain (talk) 13:39, 18 August 2025 (UTC)

While I appreciate the suggestion, I do not think merging into Infidelity would be accurate. Secret dating is not synonymous with infidelity: infidelity involves a breach of commitment in an existing relationship, whereas romantic secrecy can occur for many other reasons, such as family disapproval, workplace restrictions, cultural stigma, or simply a desire for privacy. Treating all secret relationships as infidelity would risk narrowing and misrepresenting the concept of romantic secrecy.

@Anna Kelberg Anna Kelberg (talk) 12:49, 19 August 2025 (UTC)

Oppose merge. This article is poorly titled. The relevant refs don't use "secret dating". They characterize the topic as "romantic secrecy" or "secret romantic relationships". More appropriate merge targets would be Romance (love) or Intimate relationships, but I don't see a sensible point in either to incorporate this content (and the romance article is its own hot mess right now).

Anna Kelberg has greatly improved the article from the state it was in, however only refs. 1, 2, and 3 are specifically about the article topic (#4 is a duplicate of #2). The other sources are works on secrecy in general, online dating scams, keeping parts of one's identity secret at work, and cheating.

Other sources that could be used:

• The Psychology of Love (pp79-80)
• Encyclopedia of Social Psychology (pp767-769)
• Chapter 4 in Social Influences on Romantic Relationships, which itself cites a number of potential sources
• Chapter 4 in Theoretical Frameworks for Personal Relationships

I agree with removing the "examples" entirely. Schazjmd (talk) 15:07, 18 August 2025 (UTC)

Oppose merge but Support retitle and/or rewrite. Sushidude21! (talk) 11:07, 19 August 2025 (UTC)

Thank you for the thoughtful feedback. I understand the concern that the current title and sourcing do not fully establish secret dating as a notable standalone term. This supports the view that the content may not need its own article under this title, but could be better integrated elsewhere.

A merge into Dating still seems the most practical option, as secrecy is a recurring dimension of dating practices. This is comparable to other topics like online dating that is also currently under discussion for a merger, speed dating, and "long-distance dating" (does not have its own page but could reasonably be expanded within the Dating article). In this context, "secret dating" would best fit as a subsection (e.g., “Dating in secret”), where distinctions from infidelity can be clarified. This approach reduces redundancy while keeping the Dating article comprehensive.

That said, if consensus leans toward merging into Romance (love) or Intimate relationships, I would be open to supporting that, though placement within those articles would need careful thought. I also agree that Romance (love), in its current state, may not be the best host.

In short, I continue to support merging this content rather than keeping it as a separate page under the current title, and I welcome further input on the most appropriate destination. Anna Kelberg (talk) 13:06, 19 August 2025 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

This page should not be speedy deleted because...

This page should not be speedily deleted because... the current article on dating does not focus on or really even mention the concept of secret dating and its coverage in culture. --Ranze (talk) 01:28, 6 June 2013 (UTC)